Friday, January 30, 2009

English Lesson Part 2

Real men play rugby....and rugby players eat at Nando's! haha...matt and i had lunch next to 4 of the players from warrington the other day. mmmm Nando's is lovely food!

bathing suit = swimming costume

you don't go to a movie, you go to the cinema (and it's just as expensive here as at home...)

in a car:
trunk = boot
hood = bonnet

english drivers are crazy! I think 50 mph is slow to them...or atleast it's the average speed...unlike our average 30 or so around town...maybe 35 at most.

you are never safe crossing the street...i've already almost died once.

pies are filled with meat and potato or vegetables, not fruit.

chavs (little english punks who just look for fights and are rather cruel) are awful

chippies are amazing (fish n chips shops that have a rediculous selection of food...chinese, pies, battered sausage, and pretty much anything else you could ever want)

when all else fails, why not just hang out in the pub!

i finally learned how to work my umbrella the other night :)
and, the scottish are still impossible to understand

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I love how no matter how stubborn I am and how hard I try to ignore God tugging on my heart strings sometimes he always finds a way to meet me where I'm at. It's been a rough few weeks, an absolute emotional roller coaster. And as usual I've held more in than anyone should ever bottle up. It was about time for a good relief....if only I'd stop being stubborn and just turn to my Jesus in the first place I would really save myself a lot of trouble. I just wonder sometimes, if I get it wrong enough times will I finally learn to get it right and turn to Him before anyone or anything else? I sure hope so because this is getting old, fast.

I'm just thankful that no matter how many times I stumble and fall my Jesus is ALWAYS there to catch me

Anyway, I'm reading this awesome book called Save Me From Myself by Brian Welch from the band Korn. I've never been a follower or listener to Korn so when Matt mentioned I should read the book I really didn't think I'd get into it. Boy was I wrong. It's an awesome testimony to just how good God is. It's real, and raw, and moving...and exactly where God met me tonight. Here I was reading, trying to calm myself to sleep, and words are just flying at me from the pages...pulling on my heart and eventually moving me to tears.

So after a good breakdown, a good cry, some sweet sweet music and an even sweeter chat with God I think I will sleep soundly tonight for the first time in a while.

I can't wait to get to York Saturday. I need this, I need to grow, and be around people who want to do the same. I need a small group, an emotional, spiritual support team to sit and pray with me, and some good worship time. I hope you all know the love of my Jesus. He wants to be yours too, and to love you more than you can ever imagine being loved.

sorry it's short and sweet tonight...but as it's nearly 3 am here i need to get some sleep so i can be well rested for my last day in warrington tomorrow! : ) I'll try to actually get out and take some pictures and such if I manage to get up early enough tomorrow. I love and miss everyone back home, I think about you all the time and can't wait to come home to you! And with that I'll leave you with some amazing lyrics that really spoke to me tonight...

Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will You turn to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will You run to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

my god! have you eaten the crew?!

week one into my adventures abroad has consisted of an awful sleeping pattern, far too many naps, lots of tea, missing home, paying way too much for anything and everything, a couple good trips to the pub and seeing some sweet familiar faces.

adjusting to an 8 hour time change is much easier said than done. I thought I was adjusting well when my second morning here i was able to get up at 10 am...last trip over it took be at least a week to be able to get up before noon. but i was wrong. by noon i was ready for a nap. i think i've had a good 2-3 hour nap each day so far. I dunno if it's the jetlag, nerves, anxiety, or as matt says the wierd atmosphere here...but I've been having incredibly vivid wierd dreams since I got here and wake up exhausted, and upset. Sunday night I had only been asleep for about an hour when i woke up from a dream bawling, feeling exhausted, and like the room was literally spinning. not a fun way to wake up :/ i didn't get back to sleep til 6:30 the next morning...and slept in til half 3 (3:30) that afternoon. So last night I decided to stay in rather than go to the pub and try to get a good nights sleep. which i did...a good 12 hours worth of good sleep!

I miss home terribly...or rather i miss people from home. Especially Jenna and Stephen. If i could have packed them in my suitcases and brought them with i wouldn't miss home all that much i don't think. except of course that everything here is so rediculously expensive. i paid 2 pound 20 for a small mocha the other day which doesn't sound awful...until you convert it to dollars...$4.50 for a small mocha...yikes. apparently i'll be sticking to tea while i'm here! What I wouldn't do for a good vanilla soy chai from my favorite espresso world though...

I'll be moving over to York this weekend, Saturday I believe. I'm quite excited for the move...i know it will take some adjusting to, and i'm nervous about living with strangers and not having my own space to retreat to...but it will be an experience that's for sure! England is still as green and beautiful as I remember. I don't think I would ever tire of the beautiful brick buildings. And we've even had pretty decent weather since i've been here. Walked home in the rain once from the pub and today it has been raining off and on all afternoon but it's not been too bad. I can't wait to explore York. I've heard it's just beautiful (but can be very cold...)

well, i'm off to walk down to stockton heath to meet matt in a few since he's just got out of college for the day. I think I shall leave you with this:

English lessons learned this week:

eggy bread = french toast

bacon buddies = best breakfast ever. bacon (but english bacon...much better than our awful american crap) egg on toast sandwhich with some ketchup or whatever sauce you may like on it..mmmm so good!

salad cream = an awful mayo like spread (I'm still not sure how or when you eat the stuff)

and most importantly the scottish are impossible to understand

Friday, January 9, 2009

sometimes i'm glad no one reads this thing.
i don't have to worry about being vulnerable or holding anything back.
i can just release. which is exactly what i'm about to do.
and i'll probably look back in 24 hours and laugh at myself for being so silly...

but here goes...

my heart hurts. an ache i haven't felt in a longtime.
can you have a broken heart even if you haven't given it away to be broken? Or maybe that's my problem...maybe i gave it away without meaning to.

This is the problem with being a dreamer. When you believe in great things, and that people always have the best intentions it's hard to not get swept away easily by people and opportunities. The trouble with dreams they just don't come true nearly often enough. Sometimes our dreams are replaced with something bigger and better. But when they aren't we're left feeling the disappointment of a shattered dream. And as painful as that can be, I never want to stop dreaming...because there is nothing better than watching a dream come true!

I think I'll leave off with this, lyrics to the song that best describes where i'm at right now.

Trouble with Dreams by Eels:

There's nothing that i wanna do
More than get alone and be with you
Trouble with dreams is they don't come true
And when they do they can't catch up to you

You don't need a thing from me
But i need something big from you
'cause you know i've got
An awful lot of big dreams

I'm walking down a lonely road
Clear to me now but i was never told
Trouble with dreams is you never know
When to hold on and when to let go

If you let me down it's alright
At least that leaves something for me
'cause you know i've got
An awful lot of big dreams

This is the life that i must lead now
Crossing fingers and wiping brow
Trouble with dreams is you can't pretend
Something with no beginning has an end

You don't need a thing from me
But i need something big from you
'cause you know i've got an awful lot of big dreams

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

..and a pocket full of mixed emotions

and the countdown begins....

okay, let's not kid ourselves i've been counting down the days for months now...

2 weeks from today i'll be flying somewhere over the atlantic on my way to England.

I'm used to being a fairly level headed, unemotional person for the most part. But the past few days especially my emotions have been about as random as my choice in music lately..think Lil Wayne to Fleet Foxes and everything in between. I suppose the intense highs and lows are to be expected...afterall this is no small change I'm about to make...yet for some reason i still find myself suprised at just how torn i am.

2 weeks til I see my matthew and all his amazing friends, people I grew incredibly close to in such a short period of time it still blows my mind. I can't wait to go sit in the pub and catch up with them all....8 months is far too long! and yet, leaving means saying goodbye to my parents and a few amazing friends here. have i mentioned how much i HATE goodbyes!!! Even if it's just for 4 months...that doesn't sound so bad, right? (i'm trying really hard to convince myself it's not very long at all...i'm not sure it's working!) I'm incredibly excited for my next adventure, and to see what God has in store for me in York! But I'm just not looking forward to leaving the Tri behind. Odd right? for so long getting out of here seemed like the best solution to every problem. But I truly have become a homebody...

thank goodness for the internet though...hopefully between email, skype and facebook i'll be able to keep up with everyone back home often enough that i won't feel like i've lost touch at all!